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2021-03-17 / 8:37 p.m.

Hello from 2021. Hello from month seven of thirteen months in lockdown. Hello from worsening chronic pain. From dropping out of college because it was either pain or drugs but neither would allow me the intellectual capacity to concentrate. From escaping my 5km radius by crying at the police 'til they allowed me to drive to A&E.
Hello from January. From February. From blinking and finding ourselves halfway through March. From losing all of any hope, to deciding to count my breaths instead of counting ways to kill myself.
Hello from the deep grasp of impostor syndrome every time I sit in a chair. From wondering if I'm doing it right. From wondering what it feels like to not think about your legs at any given moment.
But also. Hello. Hello from 2021. From month seven of thirteen months in lockdown. From the seventh month of slowing down. Of time to grieve. Of time to feel gratitude. Of watching the sun rise every day with a bitter cup of cheap coffee in a mug sent unexpectedly from a friend. It has a picture of a whale and it reads, "Everything whale be alright".
Hello from planting hundreds of tiny seeds. Hello from checking the little pots every day. From the sea lavender cropping it's tiny little head up first. Hello world, is that you? It's me. Hello from patience. From kindness. From creativity. From reading. From consuming what I need emotionally and dumping all the rest.
Hello from a healthy relationship for the first time in my life. From two people not so far apart learning the ways of a long term relationship as the pandemic rages on. From playing games online together. From long text messages about nothing much at all. From short video calls, just to see that little face and to know that despite it all, we'll get along.

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