I dislike myself for thinking that I never have the time for anything when I have the same amount of minutes in my day as every other person. I come to write often, but as time passes so do the anecdotes and I don't know where to start. I'm forgetting details and events and some things I just couldn't be bothered to rehash. It's just that honestly, every time I try to write I cry and I'm almost twenty-seven and sure as hell I'm tired of crying. This year so far has come and gone. Things are much the same. I'm still at my job. I'm still tired. Some people have died. I have attended zero funerals. Some I can't even account for, I've been afraid to check the death notices. My boyfriend still hasn't told me he loves me, but he took me to Disneyland and I think that maybe that's exactly the same thing, but just in a different way. I say things like "Ah sure, it'll be grand" far too often (I'm Irish) and I still don't know if I mean it. I was accused of bullying an employee of mine despite the fact that she's the one who belittles me. It didn't break me, it just made me really sad. I am a nice person. I am kind and I am generous and I am reliable to my own detriment. So far this year I think I have finished zero books but I've been watching TV shows and knitting instead. I spend plenty time with my dog. She sleeps in my bed. Sometimes I worry that I might smell like her, but I am assured that I don't. I probably don't really care either way. I think I'll get a tattoo of her little face. She's really my favourite friend. I've been trying to lose weight again but progress is slow. I figured why not put that energy that I spend on hating myself into actually doing something about it so I am. I've been overweight my whole life. Except for one time when I stood on the scales and according to my BMI I was a normal weight. I genuinely cried. I wasn't long about undoing all that hard work, and so here we are again. I didn't get weird this May like I normally do. I thought about it. For a while I didn't know what to do with myself when the evenings became longer, I was a little lost inside myself, but it turns out I'm okay with staying inside and knitting on summer days too. For the most part, I'm getting along just fine I think. I still dislike spending long periods of time with other people and I still need to be by myself quite often, but maybe I'll be alright as I get older. I think I'm settling into myself.