2010-04-28 / 11:18 p.m.

We've booked a holiday, me and him, to go away for a week even though my head's going to explode and I'm afraid that an airplane might just properly set it off. But anyway, I'm going. We're going. I booked the flights myself because I need to get away for a while and I never have the guts to do all that much by myself. Neither of us have a credit card so we'll just have to stay where we land when we get there and of all the infinite number of things I'm looking forward to, I just really want to see all the penguins at the zoo in the hopes that they don't look too sad. The monkeys too. The last time I was ever at a zoo, there was this one gorilla sat in a corner and he wasn't moving all that much or doing much of anything so I guess he was disappointing a lot of people, but he just looked so damn sad and disappointed himself that it broke my heart and I couldn't stand to be there any longer. I'm not sure how people can reason that animals don't have moods and facial expressions - they're the most emotive of us all.
Anyhow, I guess I just want to check that they all don't look too sad even though I don't know what I'd actually do if they didn't look happy so I guess that that means that I'm traveling all those miles on a plane that I'm afraid will kill me just to see a gorilla smile, or something.
My head is cloudy and drugged and I have all of these thoughts that fly by but I reach out and miss by miles. I want to write write write but it's all a big muddled mess.

I think I'm depressed, again.