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2009-12-22 / 8:26 p.m.

I was never too young for anything, and of that I was adamant, but sometimes I used it as an excuse anyway when things became too hard or I needed a bit of a break to calm the fuck down. Because I was forever the total opposite of calm. But who could have known? Who?
I drank and I smoked and... fuck, I can't believe I was fourteen the first time that I got pissed. I was one of the good ones, didn't you know that?
We used to sit and drink behind this hotel that'd been shut down and had been taken over by junkies and the kinds of people that enthralled me but that my mother warned me to stay away from. We never saw much of them, but we once climbed in there and found a cash register floating in water, and a shoe, and used needles floating about everywhere. Hard to believe it'd been a hotel just a couple years before.
Some cop walked up, undercover I guess you could say, and I remember his name was John Buggy because at first I thought he was kidding and had told us that his name was Dune Buggy, which is kind of a fucked up name for any parent to unleash on any little kid.
I guess I was sixteen at the time, because I remember I'd just finished school and all I ever really did was get drunk all the time, or at least every Friday and Saturday and Sunday because I had nothing much better to do. He didn't believe me that I was finished school because I was so young, and I guess that got us off on the wrong foot, because afterwards, he never believed another word I said.
I guess it didn't help that I'd laughed when he told us his name.
He called my mother a few days later to let her know that I'd been drinking in public again and she just winked at me and said 'I know' and I guess he felt a bit less important after that because he never did much pay any attention to us afterwards.
We'd sit behind that hotel and we'd see these girls going to some teenage disco - or a preteen disco, you decide, but they were all babies when I wasn't and they seemed much too young but they begged and begged for us to buy them some booze. We never actually did, because we used to have enough problems getting it for ourselves, but I guess I would've if it'd been easier, even though they seemed too young, too too young.
They have CCTV all over town now, and we drink in pubs instead of parks behind buildings and the cops still don't bother us when we roll joints in the street, cameras all over us, because they never did get to us when we were younger, and we were at our most intimidated.
The sad thing is, they give up by the time we're eighteen, and at that point, we don't care enough to not give up on ourselves.

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