When I finished school, I spent a year of nothingness trying to decide what to do. Trying to get myself to get out of bed and to make a day count, making it look like I was lazy, when in fact, I was just sad. Sad to my bones. This year's beginning to feel much like that year in a way. I stay up way too late at night and wander around the internet looking up people that I used to care about once upon a time. People that used to care about me. I've decluttered so much of my room these past few months, literally dumping away physical items attached to memories. They're gone, but my brain's still hoarding. My best friend from when I was twelve has not one but two beautiful children and she lives with her partner and she's so proud of her little family, of her little boy and her little girl. I don't know, fuck, social networking sites actually make me feel so bloody desperate in every way, shape and form. I can't even articulate these things. Suffice to say that for no particular reason, today has not been good from start to finish and my body will not let me rest 'til I'm done with all of this.