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2009-08-30 / 11:25 a.m.

I went back to the doctor's yesterday for the fifth time with the same problem. I am in so much fucking pain all the time. I don't know how to deal with it anymore.
I have had so many tests done, in the doctor's surgery and at the hospital and absolutely nothing shows up.
I started having heart palpitations sometime in early to mid June, along with a slight tingling sensation along my left arm and hand. The palpitations were to be replaced with a mild chest pain.
This tingling sensation seemed to spread up my arm to my shoulder, neck and head, where the left side of my head would be in constant pain. Not like a normal headache, but pain nonetheless. That eventually spread to the right side of my head.
A few nights ago I couldn't sleep because the pain in my chest became so bad, and I'm really beginning to worry that there's something seriously wrong.
When I went to the doctor's yesterday morning, he asked me a lot of questions again, and as is becoming a regular occurrence, muttered "I just don't know" over and over again.
My regular doctor was away, so this man, Karl, had to familiarise himself with all that's been going on and other doctor's opinions over the past few months.
So far, it's been suggested that it's because I'm overweight, that it's stress, that it's a regular headache and that it'll subside by itself.
This doctor, he's young, probably in his mid twenties. I'd never met him before and I spent a lot of time maintaining eye contact with him. I never once took note of the colour of his eyes, but now, I can't imagine that they'd be anything other than a deep, dark brown.
He talked with me about the possibility of all of these symptoms being an indicator of an underlying anxiety disorder. As in, "You are as good as imagining these pains".
He noted the medication I'd taken for depression over two years ago, and that I'd "taken some tablets" because I was "having a hard time".
I almost cried.
He said that the medication that they'd prescribe for anxiety would be very similar to the last anti-depression medication I took.
He told me that he'd speak to my own doctor on Monday, and to call back toward the end of next week after "thinking about it". I'm not so sure what I'm even supposed to be thinking about.
He prescribed me painkillers and anti-inflammatories that I had already been prescribed about two months ago that didn't end up doing anything for me at all apart from emptying my pockets.

I really don't feel like this is an anxiety thing. Maybe I'm being naive, or silly, but I feel so trapped.
I feel like I'm not being taken seriously, where I've been losing sleep almost every single night because of the pain.
I don't understand why all of this pain has been restricted to the left side of my body, apart from my head, and I don't understand why it's gradually spreading.
Is my mental state really causing all of this?

I'm willing to do as they ask to see if any of this helps, but I'm scared of how long it might take for them to realise that it might not be anxiety, that there may be a bigger problem. I don't know how bad things will have to get before they really notice what I've been going through.

I've spent countless hours researching my symptoms and every time I come up blank.

I really don't think I'm insane, this time.

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