2012-07-12 / 6:31 p.m.

And so it goes. He left yesterday, all of a sudden it felt, but I'd been sitting on that one for many yesterdays, trying to work my brain around it. To have the whole world and so suddenly to go back to being trapped in a prison of your own making. There has not been a day that has passed in this last month where the rain hasn't torn through the skies and I haven't done my maths all wrong and come up with something different. This will always be the right answer, but I swear that there is a flaw somewhere deeper. I just don't have the brain for logic. At first he said it would be three months, maybe six, and now it's talk of visiting next summer, of leaving the rain and doing like he's done - being gone. I honestly feel so unbelievably cheated by my life, my way of being, my sick sense of empathy, a whole in my fucking insides that's full of the sad, sick squelch that somehow fuses me together. I am singing the same tune for twelve years. I am sad. I am sad. I am sad.