I think I'd rather just keep looking. I don't much like this art world. Some things are just so breathtaking that they seem to come from some other world, a kind of untapped place that I've always felt a connection to, but never been able to find. Don't you find artists disappointing? Don't you find it hard when they've created something perfect, and then all they do is talk about the market and try really hard to sell everything and point out the collectors and all the other people you're supposed to suck up to? It's not that I really see it as selling out or anything, obviously if we want this for a career we need to make money from it somehow, but I felt embarrassed sticking those red stickers up next to my prints. What if they don't get it? What if they just thought those prints were pretty? What if they don't care? I was warned two years ago that the market is pretty cruel, that things don't really work the way they're supposed to. And maybe all of this go through this confusion, this lack of motivation to push on and to actually make a living. All I'm finding is art turned into art objects. My mother told some woman that I did a project on roadworks. She saw the pictures. Where did she get that from? Why the fuck would you take a photograph of that? Look, take a picture of the dog. She's sleeping. She's so cute. I met a girl that I played with as a kid, we never really ever had any great deal of contact. I remember her in a blue dress with a matching blue hairband, short tight curls, sitting with her legs either side of a stool that rocked. I remember singing a song about a duck, there was laughter. We were really young. Awards later, she'll make it big, she talks the talk and she sells things big. She'll make a living, she knows the market. She made me really sad. I feel lost in art. It's true what they say about art school.