2011-01-05 / 2:06 a.m.

I got 4.6% of an essay on semiological analysis written today and that is what I call productivity when it's me that's involved. I helped watch some kids that I've known forever and it's funny to hear how they've taken up the local country accent and how their teeth have grown in all funny just like mine did. They teach me so much when they're around. Not just those guys, but children in general. I know that people measure education and knowledge through solid pieces of information. Facts and figures. Knowing things about things about things. There is so much to be said for a lack of experience and a lack of being twisted to fit. They are so wise, and it is not that they learn more. Their knowledge gets replaced. They don't know the feel of a snail's shell anymore. But they do know how to kill him with common household ingredients and they know the proper way to draw him on paper.
I was trying my best to be strong and to let the gap grow but it's just too difficult.
"Hope youre alright missy."
I caved. I worry too, and I know that it hurts so I lied and told him that I found myself at the beach when really I had myself pulled over beside some old church in the middle of nowhere and my chest was heaving because I know that something big is about to give.
It is a matter of this - when I miss him, I try my best to be strong. If he misses me, I hope to God that he is weak.
I want this so much more than I have been willing to admit 'til now.