Okay. I admit it. It is not just a simple little thing. It is not every now and again. I am not in control. I have had an eating disorder since I can remember. It's the only secret I've ever really kept. I establish this now, in the passenger seat of a car, speeding in no real direction with no real destination with my stomach tied up in a knot after having eaten my first solid meal in too long. I don't know how long. I establish this now when I lean in, like I've always done and he pulls away, and there it is. There's everything I've puked my guts up for. Pulling away.