remove ad
latest older random profile notes diaryland

2010-05-17 / 9:33 p.m.

We arrive at eight in the morning. Collect our bags and eat croissants in the airport's cafe. We're tired and have nowhere to stay but everything's moving and everybody's come alive so it rubs off on us. It's raining and we book our accommodation on a computer in the airport. I don't hear a hint of a Scottish accent.
I fall asleep on the bus into town. We don't know where we're going so we stay 'til the last stop. Find an illustrated map and climb our way up a winding hill. Our landlord is from Australia.
We fall up a twisting, stone stairs hidden in the depths of Edinburgh at ten. The apartment is beautiful. The view - breathtaking.
There's a clock tower outside, much like Big Ben only Scottish. We sleep. Or rather, he sleeps. I twist and turn and my rest is fitful. I worry that if an ambulance has to come that they won't be able to carry me down that stairs on a stretcher.
We're up again at three and we wander the most beautiful city I have ever seen to find a supermarket. It takes us almost three hours.
Dinner is quick and we watch television and I fall asleep again.
Day two and I am sick. I wake up to cook breakfast but I feel unwell. I go back to sleep thinking I'm still tired. I wake up worse. I hug the toilet bowl and I sleep and I wander around aimlessly and I cry. I sit on my boyfriend's lap that evening and I sob. I think I'm dying.
Day three we check out and sit on a park bench watching trains pass by and we both cry and he tells me that he's sorry because nothing ever works out right for either of us. It rains. We laugh about it.
We spend hours wandering from one restaurant to another to try to keep dry. It's a futile attempt.
I buy a book of polaroid pictures. He buys a shirt. We spend the last of our pocket money on keyrings.
The flight is short and the plane is small. It is loud. I have a bad feeling.
We land despite said bad feeling and it takes forever to get home.
Mother doesn't expect us, but she's happy I'm home just the same.
I spend the weekend in bed and fall into the doctor's in tears on Monday morning.
He squeezes my knee and tells me to hang in there.
I come home and I sleep and I cry.
Boyfriend comes in and buys me dinner and helps me eat. His mother calls to say that his aunt has liver and bowel cancer.
He leaves.

They say that these things happen in threes. I'm scared. I have never been so scared. I am sick and I am very, very fucking scared.

<< >>