I go to work and the phone lines are down so the whole system crashes. The younger of the postmen tells me that a well known radio DJ has died only I'm not sure if I should believe him because he has that sort of charm, the one where lies are let slide. It made me feel off, all of these births and deaths, I'm not sure the world will ever even itself out. Nothing really went right today but I got paid more than usual because I put my everything into today and within a few minutes, I'd lost it all, and god, what another thing that can make a person feel off. I know it's not important - it's just money, and what does it matter? But still, saving's difficult when you're in the habit of throwing your money away. My boyfriend's mother crashed his car, and she was uninsured so as regards money and paying for it, he's pretty fucked. I don't have money to buy food so I'm kind of hungry but I'm too afraid to go ask my mother for money and I'm even more afraid to tell her that I haven't eaten. It's just one of those days. Everything's an odd shade of yellow and today I saw the biggest, most beautiful rainbow I've ever seen, and you know what? All it made me want to do was cry.