remove ad
latest older random profile notes diaryland

2010-12-14 / 4:42 p.m.

July 22nd 2006:

"There's a festival on here this weekend. It's on every year, it's useless music and lazy days in the park. But walking through the flashing lights of a carnival of screaming adolescents, screaming a new kind of self inflicted terror, I wished the world would stop, just give me a moment to cry.
I hate that I had to leave her house because, well, because of my reasons. I was so sick, so tired, so sad. I had to leave the person I love most in the world because I was just too sad to be there.
But walking up that stairs, I knew that when I got home I would fall and I would pray, because tonight brings on a whole new side to sadness. I will pray for a whole new life, I will pray for nothing but happiness. And I won't stop praying until I either die, or just fall asleep, whispering tears under my breath, hoping that a god I don't believe in will help me.
I saw a star and wished that I could be nothing but happy.
And I could hear the heavy thump of festival music as I walked home, and for the first time in my life, I couldn't contain any tears. People walked past me, a lone stranger floating home on tears, and I couldn't stop the tears from happening. I just couldn't.
And when I stop writing, I won't stop crying. But I will start praying, and I will pray, because that's all I know how to do anymore.
That's the last hope I have."

I remember specifically listening to Santa Maria by The Frames over and over and over that night and feeling every damn lyric that Glen Hansard wrote.
I went to see them on Sunday night and I must've screamed the name of that song a million times and they played it and they broke my heart. Two days on, the hangover is still killing me, but I've officially crossed one more thing off of my to-do list.

<< >>