2018-08-23 / 4:16 p.m.

I was diagnosed with Ehlers Danlos Syndrome a week ago today. I had always harboured a hope that I would one day again be pain-free, but that will never be the case. I had never even heard of it until last Thursday, but it fits. A strange thing happens when somebody gives you a diagnosis that you were never even looking for. I had no fucking clue what a rheumatologist even did. I just sucked it up and took the two-hour drive to go see this man who made me do weird things with my body, and who I thought was genuinely fucking with me until he sat me down and told me why my body feels as though it's falling apart. It's because it is. I couldn't understand why it felt like things went so south and so fast after my surgery in January.
I don't know what to do about my future. I have to grieve for the life that I'm never going to have and I really don't feel ready for that.